I will confess...

I have a confession. Sometimes, I’m afraid. I am afraid to pray boldly because I am afraid that God won’t answer. I am afraid that if God doesn’t answer, then my faith might fall. I am afraid that if my faith falls, everyone whom I have ever told about Jesus will see that my God isn’t real. Sometimes I am afraid of my own fears. I am afraid that my fears of putting all my eggs in one basket will hold me back from the life that God intends for me to live. I am afraid that I will never be able to fully surrender to God because I am too afraid to fail. If God doesn’t answer my prayers, does that make him any less real? Occasionally I think so, but tonight I don’t. Am I even praying for the right things? If I pray for something, and it doesn’t happen, is that because I wasn’t praying for God’s will to be done? He isn’t a magic genie who grants my every wish. So what is he? He is God. He is Creator. He is Holy. He is Glorious. He is Love. He sacrificed everything because he loves me and everyone around me. He is amazing. He is it. I guess when I think more about who God is and less about who I am, the answers to my prayers don’t seem to matter as much. My faith isn’t based on that anymore. My faith is based on God, on who He is, not on what he can do for me. I can pray boldly when I know God, when my heart is connected with His, because I can be confident in who he is. What is the purpose of prayer anyway? To ask for things? The majority of my prayers think so… But really, it is through prayer that I come to know God. And in knowing God more, I want to know him more.