Increase our Faith

Christmas Dinner and Eternal Life

2011-12-26T11:42:00.000-06:00

My family commemorates things with food. Christmas is no different. We spend all afternoon preparing a meal fancy enough for Prince William and big enough to feed the whole block. This year's menu featured shrimp, scallops, crab legs, fresh fettucini with an asian ginger sauce, a salad with pears, avocado, and gorgonzola cheese, grilled pineapple and asparagus, and grilled chicken and venison sausage (for the non-seafood lovers). There was more on the menu, but it was cut once we realized only six people would be eating! Once everyone was served, we held our glasses in the air and toasted to good family, friends, and food.
The meal was delicious to say the least. I ended up sitting at the table for an extra half hour, too full to move. There was one thing that I realized that night when I was reflecting back on a seemingly uneventful Christmas day. Our Christmas dinner is a lot like eternal life. Stick with me for a minute...
As I said, my family centers on food. I fully believe that the majority of my parents extra spending money gets put towards food. Other things are sacrificed so we can eat well. My parents are also endowed with the gift of hospitality. You put together a love of food and the gift of hospitality and you get many, many wonderful dinner parties.
Growing up, my dad refused to give myself and my older brother crab legs. He didn't want us to develop a taste for expensive food. Makes sense. You don't want to spend tons of money to satisfy a child's taste buds.
Ten years later, my little brother came along. My parents were slightly more established in their careers and ate much fancier things. My little brother grew up with my parents making him try crab legs, shrimp, filet mignon, you name it.
As we sat down for Christmas dinner last night, my little brother licked his lips, put his hands together and said, "My favorite meal!" He has tasted and he knows how much he loves crab. The kid can even distinguish between different kinds of crab.
My older brother, on the other hand, hated his meal. He hasn't lived with us in almost 7 years. He doesn't go out to eat like we do. He doesn't have fancy dinner parties. His palate is not accustomed to expensive food like my younger brother. He left the table having barely eaten, while the rest of us were stuffed to the brim.
How is this like eternal life? I think it's about goodness. There is a passage in Scripture that speaks about the inability for people who don't believe to understand and appreciate Christ the same way believers do. If you haven't tasted crab legs, you probably will not like them at first. My little brother still remember the first time my parents made him try them. He was disgusted. Oh how far he has come! I am a Christian. I have experienced the presence and love of God. It is good. I desire it. I deeply appreciate times when God meets me and pours out his love. For those who don't believe, this concept is lost. One day, I want to sit around a table with my family toasting to the goodness of God, not just the goodness of food.

Christmas Prayer

2011-12-20T19:50:00.000-06:00

I needed to read this during this Christmas season. May it bless you and challenge you as much as it did me.

I think about my family, my relatives, the neighbors, people with whom we will spend this day. Dear Jesus, as I look at their faces and remember their stories, there are feelings of gratitude and some fear and anxiety. Thank you for these loved ones and please forgive me for the ways I have been less than accepting and loving. Please heal the wounds, division and conflicts that stand between us and help me to remember how dearly you love them. I only want to remember that you have come to save us all.

Amen.

Occupy

2011-12-04T23:00:00.001-06:00

"The seed of revolution is repression." Woodrow Wilson

I may be late in digging my teeth into the "Occupy" movement, but I have finally had time to do some reading up on the whole thing. There are plenty of times when people get upset about something, they strike, and then it gets resolved (Thank you Wisconsin for the exemplary example). I don't think this movement is one that will end that easily or that quickly. The basic premise is this: 1% of the population owns and controls virtually everything. The rest of the 99% of us, screwed. We have no say. Yes, we vote, but in reality, the politicians we vote for are just pawns being moved my the corporations we don't see. It doesn't actually matter who is sitting in the chair. The larger question is: Who is pumping the money? I realize that this may be showing my somewhat negative feelings towards our country, but I think we can all admit that there is a problem.

My aunt is a prime example. A few years ago she got a brain tumor because a company was dumping toxic chemicals into a local lake. Dozens of tumors began breaking out in their county. She got her tumor removed successfully and has been in perpetual debt because of it. She still struggles physically from the after-effects. She was in a large lawsuit against the company along with the others effected. The case was temporarily postponed. They company continues to put off the trial. As they do, those suing have to continue to pay their lawyers. The outcome is clear: the prosecutors will run out of money eventually and the case will be dismissed. Justice? Not one bit.

The same aunt has made numerous payments toward her mortgage. These payments have somehow been lost by the band holding it. Her home has neared foreclosure numerous times because these payments have not been recorded. Illegal foreclosures are common. Nothing is being done.

When I look at pictures and watch videos of the movement I cannot help but think of Across the Universe. There is a scene in the film when they walk down a street with signs, chanting funny things. I digress...

I don't think I will ever be one of those people who quit their job to 'fight for the cause.' I'm not moving to Wall Street. I do, however, support their cause. I am proud to live in a country with people who do not want to sit around while injustice rules. I am thankful that people are choosing to exercise their Constitutional rights. Pushing them to their limits will reveal the extent to which we actually hold these rights. I believe that the police, the government, the corporations, will fight back, exposing the true state of our country. The system is corrupt. We don't need another law. We need democracy. A true democracy, not a puppet one.

What if your mother developed cancer from drinking the water from her sink? Your little brother? What if your family paid hundreds of thousands of dollars in medical bills while the company just paid the trial off, leaving you bankrupt? You would probably feel a little bit angry. It has been hard to watch my own family members experience the aftereffects of corporate greed.

Get informed. Read up on what is going on in the world. Please. Believe that you can have a voice. http://occupychi.org/about-us

Because of Love

2011-11-28T09:58:00.001-06:00

Release all the breaks you have placed on your life.
Let go of the hurt, pain, fear, inadequacy...

Choose to be:

Humble enough to laugh at your mistakes,
Wise enough to know when to admit you're wrong,
Trustworthy enough to be respected by peers,
Simple enough to gain the affection of children,
Strong enough to fight for what you believe in,
And generous enough to give out of your poverty.

Then, you may say that you have truly lived.

Maggie Mosher.

Speaking

2011-11-07T10:52:00.001-06:00

It's time for another post. I have less than 6 weeks left in my college career and it's slightly terrifying but 100% exciting. I have 12 more pages to write before then, but it will get done. Starting last Monday, I committed to waking up at 6am each day and going to Starbucks. It is amazing how peaceful and productive mornings are. Waking up early has changed my life.
God has been speaking to me a lot about one particular thing. A few weeks ago he put a passion in my heart for more of him. He showed me how we often settle for mediocrity in our Christian lives. I was heartbroken one Sunday when the girls in my small group were surprised that God still heals people. Our God is not small. Our God is more than we can imagine. We have placed him within the context of what our minds can imagine, and he only works within those bounds. God wants to speak to us, but we don't believe it - so he doesn't. God wants to heal, but we don't think he can and we are afraid of what will happen if he doesn't - so he doesn't. God want to guide and direct our lives, but we can't imagine what living outside the bounds of our consumerist society would look like - so it doesn't happen. Why? My question is why would we live that way?
In Amos 8:11-12, God speaks warns his people who are living in cold-hearted exile. He told them:
"Behold, the days are coming," declares the Lord God, "when I will send a famine on the land - not a famine of bread, nor a thirst for water, but of hearing the words of the Lord. They shall wander from sea to sea, and from north to east; they shall run to and fro, to seek the word of the Lord, but they shall not find it."
I see so much truth in this passage. I do not believe that God has sent a famine, I think we live famished lives. God is waiting. We don't listen. We have settled for 'average' are rarely enter into the blessedness of what God desires to give.
His mercies are new every morning. It is my prayer that every one I know can wake up and allow God to speak and move outside the confines of their imagination.

Disfunction

2011-10-14T14:22:00.001-05:00

I have been learning lately that life is really messy, but it is incredibly wonderful. There is something particularly comical about the disfunction that seems to be surrounding me. I work with high schoolers, I am on a team of 20something girls, I attend a Christian university, and I come from a family with many splits. The likelihood of something dysfunctional happening to me each day is extremely high. Every once in a while I have to take a step back and just laugh. I think life would be incredibly boring if it wasn't filled with moments of mistakes and failure.

I have also realized that it isn't just those around me that are dysfunctional, I am too! Today I will embrace the strange, quirky, someone irrational parts of who I am. If I failed to be compulsive about washing dishes and if I didn't go to the bathroom an upwards of 15 times a day, I would cease to be me. I am a person. I make mistakes, I cry, I get scared, I avoid eye contact so I don't have to talk to some people, I push snooze four times and still wake up earlier than necessary, I am lactose intolerant, I use special pens for writing in my journal, and I am okay with that. Today I will not think about who others want me to be; rather, I will just be me. I will have grace on my own shortcomings and realize that I must have grace on others. I don't want to live a perfect life anyway! That would be way too boring!

Healing

2011-10-10T19:16:00.002-05:00

This past week has been really difficult. I have a lot more time alone and God is using it to His advantage. He has been healing me, well, starting to at least. I have been learning to live with brokenness; it stinks.
This weekend was fall break and I got to go home for two nights. I took advantage of the time and got together with some of my favorite people. Me and the small group I am a part of were able to get together Sunday afternoon. God is using them to help heal me. He is showing the value of community and confession. I have tons of irrational fears, and so do they. He is using them to speak truth into my life. I am not alone, they understand. Here they are:

This is Sarah, she is super silly. Clearly.

Brittany is gorgeous and sweet and loving.

There is never a dull moment with Danae around.

I love these girls dearly. We were not meant to live life alone, and I am so thankful that I don't have to. I am working through a lot recently, but I have support and encouragement. Loneliness plagues our generation, reach out and find people who will be there.

Fabulous Fall

2011-10-06T15:14:00.002-05:00

Today is the perfect day. You can wear jeans or shorts and still be the perfect temperature. There is not a cloud in the sky, and the sun seems to accentuate the colors of the leaves. In my small group ministry class we were told to get in groups of four and go outside with a list of questions. We sat around talking about what God reveals to us through his creation. He is beautiful. He is creative. He made something that works perfectly together. He thinks long-term. My professor said that when we make church boring, we are committing heresy. God is anything but boring - look outside!
This post has no point. I just want to share my overwhelming joy about the day. Soccer practice was cancelled so I decided to take full advantage of the weather. I would be sitting on my porch, but a massive wasp has scared me away.
The things that have overwhelmed me all week have been put into perspective by the majesty of this day. If I don't read all the articles for class tonight, it will be okay. I will never have this day back, and one cold, dreary day in February I will think back to this day and be thankful that I didn't worry about my homework.
You make beautiful things, you make beautiful things out of the dust.
Amen and Amen.

Lazy Shepherds

2011-09-30T10:12:00.001-05:00

I've been reading in the book of Ezekiel lately. It's incredibly depressing. The prophet Ezekiel is used by God to pronounced judgment on the Israelites. It's prophecy after prophecy against different groups of people because they have forsaken God. Every once in a while imbedded in the destruction narrative are words of hope. God says he will punish them for their sins, but affirms that they are still his people and he will not abandon them forever. Today I read about the Shepherds of Israel . God accuses the shepherds of being selfish, feeding themselves and letting their sheep die. They have not watched over the sheep, they have not sought the ones that haves strayed. God says, So they were scattered, because there was no shepherd, and they became food for all the wild beasts. My sheep were scattered over all the face of the earth, with none to search or seek for them. God is angry and heartbroken because those he loves have been neglected. God then says something cool:

Behold, I, I myself will search for my sheep and will seek them out. As a shepherd seeks out his flock when he is among his sheep that have been scattered, so will I seek out my sheep, and I will rescue them from all places where they have been scattered on a day of clouds and thick darkness...I myself will be the shepherd of my sheep, and I myself will make them lie down, declares the Lord God. I will seek the lost, and I will bring back the strayed, and I will bind up the injured, and I will strengthen the weak, and the fat and the strong I will destroy. I will feed them in justice.

God says that he will lead his sheep to a place of blessing and protection. He will send down the showers in their season and the showers will be blessings.

I think by now the analogy is clear. God is not talking about sheep. To make it clear, he says, And you are my sheep, human sheep of my pasture, and I am your God.

This story is seeping with meaning and symbolism. God is our shepherd and leader. He guides us and blesses us even when leaders neglect us. We know the church is corrupt (it's such a beautiful disaster) - thankfully God does not abandon his people.

As a person in ministry, I must also put myself in the place of the shepherds. Do I care for God's sheep as he has called me to? I am challenged to evaluate the status of my 'sheep'. I do not want to leave the people God has entrusted to me out in the wilderness; we are called to seek them out.

Wisdom

2011-09-23T09:06:00.007-05:00

Surely there is a future,
and your hope will not be cut off.
Proverbs 23:18

Let us not lose sight of this.

The Final Countdown!

2011-09-19T10:06:00.001-05:00

This is my last semester in college. As much as I am slightly nervous about not being in a classroom learning for the rest of my life, I can't help but be extremely excited. At the end of the day, I'm ready. I feel like I'm at a point in my life where I am ready for what is next. I am looking forward to getting a job, paying off my loans, and moving on to new adventures. Do I have a plan? Kind of.
I'm moving back with the parents. They cook good food, so how could I opt to be on my own struggling to pay for groceries again? I'll pass. I've been re-doing my room for quite a while, so I will finally finish it. I will continue to refurbish furniture and make cute artsy-fartsy things that I find on Pinterest. I will hopefully get a manager job at The Container Store, or REI, or a bike shop. I want to do something that I love without the pressure of getting a career right away. I will use that job to slowly chip away at my loans until they are a thing of the past! While I do that, I will continue to be a house group leader at church and submerge myself in the awesome community that exists there. I can't wait to hang out with my little brother and help him with homework and take him to baseball practice. I will also begin my training for the half Ironman I'll be doing in July.
I think I have a pretty good post-college plan. I can't wait. Hopefully my best friend will get a coaching job at TIU and move in with me and my family.
While I am 100% looking forward to the future, I don't want to miss the present. I am finishing my last season as a soccer player every. We are doing well and it's a lot of fun. There are frustrations and struggles, but at the end of the day I see God working in our team and in me. I have amazing roommates and we have made a very homey apartment. It is a great retreat. My classes are wonderful. I have no tests, just a million papers. I have been learning more than I could have imagined, but I wouldn't want it any other way. Lastly, I feel like God has been doing so much in my life the past few months. I don't want to look so far into the future that I miss what he is doing now. I have made it my goal to read Scripture every morning. I don't have morning classes, or classes on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, so my mornings are free for the Lord! It has amazed me how faithful God is when we seek him. He said that if we call, he will answer. He is more glorious and beautiful that I could ever dream of. His promises are astounding and he never fails. He calls us to come as we are and he takes us in. I have had a few very lonely days this semester, and God has been the best comforter. I can't imagine living any other way. Thank you Jesus for being stupendous!
Well, that's an update on my life. Thrilling. I know! =)

Sometimes I learn things.

2011-07-27T07:39:00.002-05:00

Since Sandblast, I've been trying to SOAP everyday. For those of you who don't know, SOAP is just a way to study the Bible. You find a passage that sands out to you, observe what is going on in context or what the author's intentions are, apply it to your life, then pray.

Yesterday I was reading through Luke 2; it's the story where Jesus is born and grows up. Hidden in the awesomeness of God coming to earth is a little story about a man named Simeon. Simeon was a devout and righteous man. He was in the temple and God promised him that he would not die until he saw the Christ that would come to save humanity. I think if I was Simeon, that would be a hard thing to believe. Israel had been waiting for the Messiah for thousands of years. People probably thought Simeon was crazy for saying that he would not die until the Messiah came. Anywho, he believed God.

Joseph and Mary are good Jews and they take Jesus to the temple for traditional dedications and ceremonies and guess who is there? Simeon. He sees Jesus and takes him into his hands and says:

"Lord, now you are letting your servant depart in peace,
according to your word;
for my eyes have seen your salvation
that you have prepared in the presence of all peoples,
a light for revelation to the Gentiles,
and for glory to your people Israel."

Simeon saw the Messiah and that was enough.

Sometimes I wonder about the importance of salvation in my own life. Is my life full and complete because I have seen the saving grace of Christ in my life? or is it full and complete because I have done a lot of cool things and have a lot of cool stuff? Am I satisfied in my salvation alone? If nothing else changes for the rest of my life, would I be happy because I've been saved?

Oftentimes my answers to those questions are not what I want them to be.

I'm learning.

I will leave you with a quote from a Mark Driscoll sermon on Habakkuk.

Most of us don’t need a lot more information. We just need a lot more faith. We don’t need to know anything more. We just need to trust what we already know. And that comes in silence. In silence you can confess your sins, and God will forgive you and love you. In silence you can meditate and ponder on who God is and what he’s done for you through the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus.

A Moment to Mark

2011-06-03T15:41:00.005-05:00

Today is one of those days that you can't help but be happy. The sun is shining and there isn't a cloud in the sky (but it's not too hot). I am at home and have been able to relax doing work outside. The Adele Pandora station is playing and it brings so much peace in my life.
Good music touches my soul. I can sit all day just listening.
This moment, sitting in a chair listening to music and watching the wind blow the trees isn't a deeply spiritual moment, but it is such a peaceful one. I am not gaining insight or receiving a revelation; I am experiencing rest. I am experiencing God in his most basic expression: creation. I am seeing is around me and hearing it via his beloved.
This summer has been so good. I am living with my best friend and get to watch four of the greatest kids. The past week, we spent 3 days on Anna's farm, visited Kensie, went camping, had a morning fire, celebrated Katie's birthday, and introduced 5 people to Thai food. Life is so good and too short not to live it well.
My days aren't spent in contemplative prayer. Sometimes that bothers me. I feel like I put this pressure on myself to be like that. I have been learning that life isn't all about thinking and prayer. Sometimes the best way we can praise God is by fully living in the world he has put us in.
The view from my front yard is beautiful in a simple way. People are walking and working, flowers that were planted weeks ago are shouting God's glory. The wind blows, rustling leaves, and I can't help but think of God's Spirit that touches our lives often without proof or a sound. All we are left with is the effect of what moved it.
Secular acoustic music floods the scene and also enhances the spiritual-ness of the moment. Nobody is singing Bible verses or about God's glory, but each song is filled with it. There is beauty in a voice that was created to make amazing sounds. The creativity of instrumentals and lyrics help me see how we were made to be creative, in the likeness of God.
I could sit here forever, but my little brother will comeo home soon and bring about a new adventure.

Live in moment, not in memories.

Funk

2011-04-10T22:30:00.003-05:00

I've been in a funk lately. There really is no better word to describe it. My life is monotonous and it annoys me. I am incredibly blessed, I fully realize that, but I feel like I am living overwhelmingly below the potential of my life. Each day I go to class, play soccer, coach soccer, do homework, watch the food network (and/or biggest loser)...thrilling, I know. Last month Dr. Quanstrom gave a sermon about how study is worship - I'm still not believing it. All the studying I am doing is not making my relationship with God more intimate. That means one of two things: there is something wrong with me, or he, and every other professor on campus, is lying. . Maybe it's a little bit of both!
I know deep within my soul there is more to my life than what I'm living. There are ways that I can serve and love those around me every day; however, that is not what my life is about. I want my life to be centered and focused on serving others. It's not. Unfortunately. And thus results the funk. I have one more semester of college left. So far, it has been the most formative three years of my life. I have learned more about myself and others, and how I relate to others, and how to communicate, and even how to learn. While I have thoroughly enjoyed my time here, I am ready to be freed from monotony. I never want to stop learning, but I want to stop being bound to really pointless assignments and Gen Bio Lab.
I don't want to look to the future and say, 'Someday I will get out of this funk.' I know that if I don't strive to be intimate with God now, I won't then. I guess what I'm starting to realize is that we were created to love and serve others. The more we focus on ourselves and our goals, the farther we slide into an abyss of disillusionment. Life isn't about that. I don't want to be about that. And I 150% don't want to go to grad school.

Hello again

2011-03-28T15:08:00.003-05:00

I haven't written in a long time. I also haven't read my google reader in a long time (I had nearly 30 blog posts to catch up on!). However, in light of spending the past hour reading blogs, I've been inspired to blog so that it will add to the list of 'unread entries' on all my friend's google readers.
I guess I haven't felt like I've had much to say lately. Life is good, and I really can't complain.
I have officially decided to graduate in December. I registered for classes today and only have Tuesday/Thursday class, and I'm taking two classes directed study. Can you say best schedule ever???
So, seeing as I can't complain, I want to list a few of the things that I am thankful for:
My best friend Katie. She is amazing. She is fundraising to go to New Zealand with YWAM. Next to her desk she has two signs: a thermometer with bible verses and her fundraising goal of $10,000, and a paper that say "God (this paper)" written really big and "$10,000 - size exaggerated" with an arrow pointing to a tiny dot. She wants to remind herself daily that God is way bigger than things that we see as mountains (like raising $10,000 in a summer). What a cool person! I am blessed by her. She started her own blog (kkulchar.blogspot.com), and she is witty and clever and funny. I was a bad friend and didn't read her blog for the past few weeks, but I caught up and enjoyed every minute of it. She is a person who struggles and triumphs with the power of God. She lets God use her weaknesses. It's amazing.
I am also thankful for my boyfriend. I haven't been able to talk to him much because he has been filming in LA and working at a production company, but he is great. He has become a man of silent faith. I have yet to hear him talk bad about someone, and we met when I was a freshmen. He has the biggest heart to love people and serve them. He notices the small things in my life and reminds me of them weeks later. He talked to his grandma on the phone for an hour the other day - seriously, so precious! I miss him, but I am thankful for the life that he lives.
My dad. I was home this weekend and we were all watching basketball. My dad got up and left with his friend Craig to visit his dad in the hospital. My dad was gone for hours. He brought food to his friend's dad and spent time with him. I know many people who wouldn't do that for their relatives, let alone a friend's parent. My dad will give the shirt off his back for someone, then go to the store, buy another, and give that to them too just so they have something to change into. He is so smart and inventive. He is currently fixing my car. He just designed a speaker dock for the android. He is awesome. He has his struggles, but he is one of the most upstanding people I know.
Okay, now that I'm crying...
Life is too short to not take the time to notice the people in your life. Don't take them for granted. Before I wrote this, I knew that I deeply loved and appreciated the people that I wrote about. After writing, I realized how many of the small things they do speak magnitudes about their character, and consequently shape me into who I'm becoming. I am so grateful. God has blessed me immensely.

Oh Happy Birthday Jesus!

2010-12-26T13:01:00.003-06:00

I think this year was the first year that I really really enjoyed Christmas.
There wasn't a ton of family drama; instead, there was a lot of good food, sweatpants, laughing, fires, staying up late, and playing games together.
I absolutely love my family. My family is crazy and often times inappropriate. They know how to be honest and make fun at the oddities of life. Sometimes my mom crosses over the line of 'overly-honest,' but it's hilarious.
My family really knows how to love each other. My parents don't know Christ, but the unconditional love of Christ abounds in my family.
I'm at a place in my life where I am so thankful and content. I sit and reflect on my life and this Christmas, and I am so happy.
I am reading a book by AZ Tozer called The Pursuit of God. It's amazing. Read it. He talks a lot about seeking God alone, not God and... We need to rip from our hearts everything else that is competing for affection. The more we know God, the more we desire more of God.
I'll end with a prayer from the end of one of the chapters.
O God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for me. I am painfully conscious of my need of further grace. I am ashamed of my lack of desire. O God, the Triune God, I want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still. Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, that so I may know Thee indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Say to my soul, 'Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away.' Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long, In Jesus' name.
Amen.

Wowzer

2010-12-07T09:15:00.003-06:00

So it's been a really long time since I've updated my blog. The main reason is because I am convinced that nobody reads it except my best friend, who lives with me anyways so she doesn't really have a need to read my blog. And I'm 1/2 lazy, and 1/2 busy student athlete.
Anywho.
I don't really have a ton to write about because this post wasn't premeditated. But as I sit at my desk this morning having been woken up earlier than necessary by my roommate's boyfriend calling, all I can think of is how happy I am to be alive. There are definitely things that annoy me or make me upset or even sad and hurt, but at the end of the day (or the beginning), when I sit and reflect, I have a deep sense of contentment. I stinkin love life. I am so incredibly blessed and sometimes I just need to sit and think about it for a while, otherwise I forget. I have a wonderful family and I have amazing friends. I go to a great school where prayer begins each class. I have plenty of food to eat and clothes to wear. Yesterday I got a new Mountain Hardware Sub Zero Parka. It dropped straight out of heaven just in time for the tundra to overtake our school. I am currently listening to worship music played at the international house of prayer. A guy named Matt Gilman is playing Christmas music, you know, the music about Jesus, not Santa. It's beautiful. http://www.ihop.org/Publisher/Article.aspx?ID=1000066807 - listen, December 5th at 10pm. I'm super overwhelmed right now by the many blessings in my life. My heart is just happy. I can feel it deep inside, and I want to be able to share that with others.
So whoever is reading this (hhm hm Katie), take some time to just sit and think about how good we actually have it. When I was in Africa I learned that it isn't the stuff we have that brings joy to our lives, although I am pretty stoked about my new coat, it is the people, the experiences, it's God. It's Christmas time and I'm sure glad Jesus came to earth. =) Notice blessings today

SandBLAST!

2010-07-29T10:21:00.003-05:00

So Sandblast 2010 was epic. It was unforgettable. My mind can't even wrap around what happened.
First off, we split our Schaumburg-Hoffman house group into two separate groups, which was really difficult. BUT our Hoffman group bonded together in amazing ways. I am really looking forward to the future of this group. God is already doing so much. It was cool to be able to look around my small group and say, "Wow! All these girls go to the same high school!" What a great community.
Speaking of my small group... small would be the last adjective to describe it. I had eleven girls from all different places. I kind of freaked out. I had a lot of hopes and desires for the group, which ended up getting me into trouble. The first night at camp, I got 2.5 hrs of sleep (bad idea). The following day I was super exhausted, mentally and physically, and I broke down by the evening. It was one of those "God i'm so tired, help please!" times. I just wept and wept and was slightly embarrassed but I needed help. I didn't want to go to small group and I kept contemplating what would happen if I just told Katie to lead my girls instead. Well, I sucked it up and stopped soaking my shirt and continued to worship. At one point, half the room was dancing in the freedom of the Lord. Before Sandblast, God gave me a vision of people dancing because they were set free. I felt like this moment was the fulfillment of that vision. That gave me hope.
I was dancing too.
Small group happened and the presence of the Lord was there. He led the group. and I think that is what he wanted to happen, but I kept getting in the way. I needed to lose control. Of course I can never just do that, it always takes a major breakdown, but alas, it happened and God did unbelievable things. All 11 of my girls got honest. We had times of confession. Times of laughter. Times of honesty. It was awesome!
Willow put out an offer to bring 100 unchurched to camp for free. I had four in my group. Two accepted Jesus. They were set free and they danced. =]
Speaking of dancing. The last night of camp, people went nuts! Usually the 'decision' night is really tearful and sad, but this was different. People danced in joy. People laughed. People cried happy tears. It was SO cool! The Holy Spirit was filling each person in crazy ways. It was like the International House of Prayer, but more legit. I had to record it on my phone because it was that unbelievable. Okay, it was sweet. I think you get the point. But, remember that vision I was talking about? Well I felt like in that crazy dancing moment, God told me to look around. Before Sandblast God told me that he would blow our expectations. The previous night I was content in saying that God had fulfilled the vision he gave to me. However, Sunday night blew my expectations. Usually people dance at Impact camps, but not everyone. Not over 1000 people at the same time. God blew my expectations. I laughed with God in that moment.
So many lives were changed. My life was changed. Sorry this was so scattered, but that's how my mind is working right now. So much happened at Sandblast that it's hard to put into words. So basically, whether you are a student or adult, you should come to camp. Something special happens when people seek God with all their heart.

Fragile

2010-07-01T15:30:00.002-05:00

I came home from working out today and the street was full of cars. I'm house sitting, and the next door neighbor's house was blocked off with police tape. I pulled into my driveway and there was police tape on my porch blocking off the side yards. My mind immediately started trying to figure out what happened. There was a cop blocking off the yard and he asked me if I lived there. I told him yes, and asked what happened, but he said he didn't know. I went inside the house while people gathered in the front. I was concerned, but I don't know the neighbors well. I went upstairs and looked outside. There was a crowd of people in the backyard and a man laying on the ground half covered in a sheet. A woman knelt at his side and occasionally people wiped their eyes. After about fifteen minutes, a group of men picked up the one on the ground and put him in a body bag. They wheeled him to the front and put him in an ambulance. He was young. In the absence where his body lie, the woman collapsed and sobbed. People consoled her and she moved to the front where more people were waiting with open arms.
I have never seen a dead person, except once at a wake. This just happened. This was tragic. I can't help but find myself emotional at the situation. Even though I had no connection to the neighbors, I find my own life standing still. The business stops. It doesn't matter if the grass needs to be cut or the house cleaned. Everything stopped. When you see someone in that sort of agony, it only makes you think. My heart broke for her.
I know that people die. Thousands of people die every day. It is a fact of life, but it doesn't always seem like a reality of life. I can't even imagine what the wife of that man is going through. Death became a reality for her today. And for me, I feel like I was hit a little too.
Life is fragile. I don't know how to deal with death. Death is the absence of one who used to be present in our lives. It can come in an instant. It is sad. So sad. I am sad.
Hope is necessary. In the wake of tragedy, Hope is the only thing that is sufficient.

Be perfect, just as your heavenly Father is perfect.

2010-06-08T19:18:00.001-05:00

For the past 6 days I have been meditating on the Sermon on the Mount. I felt led to just sit in it. It has been amazing. Each day God has revealed something new to me. He has shown me of Jesus’ authority, his intimacy, the new standard he set, and more.

Last night when I got to the part about salt and light, I was struck with the revelation of who Jesus was actually speaking to. When he said, “You are the light of the world,” he wasn’t speaking to me directly. He was sitting on a hill, facing a group of people. Those people included the sick, the poor, his disciples, and those destined to fail. Jesus looked them in the eyes and said:

You have a purpose

You are worth something

You will change this world

I can’t help but feel a range of emotions. I try to put myself in their position. I’ll bet they cleaned out their ears, whispered amongst themselves, then politely said, “Um, sir, can you please repeat that? We don’t think we heard you correctly.”

But they did.

Jesus looked among this group of lowly and saw what they were truly made for. They were there to reflect the glory of God. They were there to show others who God is.

It amazes me really. Jesus gave that group a whole new identity. I don’t think I give Jesus the opportunity to do that in my own life. I often pray that I may be found in him and that he will show me who I am. However, I fail to invite him in me to transform me. I don’t listen to him enough.

I am influenced by everything around me that tells me that I am not good enough. I always have to be better. I have to be thinner, I have to be more beautiful.

Jesus sees me differently.

He thinks I am perfect. He thinks I am beautiful. Nothing I can do will make him love me more or less. He is overwhelmingly for me, not against me. He is in love with you. You are perfect.

Jesus perfects us.

God looks at us and sees his son.

Why should we see ourselves any different?

Joy

2010-06-06T15:23:00.003-05:00

I have been thinking a lot about joy today.
I started thinking about it during worship at church. We were singing Tear down the Walls by Hillsong and I felt led to read Deuteronomy 10. It talks about how we are called to live and who God is. . It's a wonderful passage. As I read it, I felt overwhelmed with joy. It was as if the more I read about who God is and let that fill me, the more excited and uplifted I felt.
Joy is not a feeling.
Joy is deep.
Joy is not uncertain.
Joy comes from complete trust.
I have joy in my life when I fully trust and surrender to my Father. When I slowly take my life back into my own hands, that's when I waver in my faith. Sometimes it seems completely crazy to 'surrender' my life to a spiritual entity that I have never seen. But honestly, I have found it safer that way. When I control my life, I crash. Every time. The times in my life when I have fully trusted God with my life were the safest times. Those times are marked unmistakably with joy.
This summer started off a little rocky for me. I let fear of what could happen dictate what did happen. I didn't trust God and I lost joy. God delights in us and wants us to experience the joy that comes from intimacy with him. I'm learning that daily. No matter what goes on in my life, there can be joy because, in the words of Moses, 'the Lord your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome, who shows no partiality and accepts no bribes. He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the foreigners residing among you...He is your praise; he is your God, who performed for you those great and awesome wonders.'
God is love. God's word is truth. and from the truth comes certainty. and in that certainty is unwavering joy.
For this God is our God for ever and ever; he will be our guide even to the end. Ps 48:14

Revelation

2010-06-02T15:20:00.003-05:00

This summer I am staying at Olivet. I am house sitting and I don't have a full time job. I will have lots of free time, and that scares me a bit. However, I have been learning. In my own straying from God, I have found myself in a desolate place. I don't want to be where I was a week ago. Sunday at church I felt the presence of God for the first time in a long time; I think for the first time in a long time I was open to experience God. It's not that he isn't there, it's that I am not opening my eyes and my heart.
A few weeks ago, I felt convicted because I know the spiritual gifts God has blessed me with, and I haven't been using them. For example, there have been times in my life where the voice of the Lord is so clear and he leads me to share words and visions with others. That hasn't happened recently. I haven't created a chance for it to happen. I haven't sat and prayed.
Earlier today I was reading "The Gallic Confession on the Canon of Scripture" written by the French in the 16th century. They name off all the book in the Bible that they consider canonical, or the Word of God. Then they said something that stopped me.

We know these books to be canonical, and the sure rule of our faith, not so much by the common accord and consent of the Church, as by the testimony and inward persuasion of the Holy Spirit, which enables us to distinguish them from other ecclesiastical books which, however useful, can never become the basis for any articles of faith

I think about how much of my faith is based on what other people say, or on what C.S. Lewis says, and it's no wonder I find myself so confused. The Holy Spirit gives us the ability to know truth. We can know the Bible to be the word of God because of the Holy Spirit. Am I looking for the Spirit's work in my life? Do I ask God to reveal truth to me? A lot of times the answer is no. Things shall change.

God does

2010-04-26T10:44:00.002-05:00

This whole semester has been really interesting for me. It is the first time in my life that I haven't been dealing with something major. My life has been great this semester. And so God asked: will you follow me when it seems like you don't need me? Yes. Yes. This semester I haven't heard God's voice as much as usual, but that's okay. Over the past two weeks, things have changed drastically. God has been revealing so many visions to me, it's crazy. He has given me visions to pray over other people and visions for my own life. God is moving. Yesterday was a huge day. God did so much. Last week, Student Impact was challenged to raise $5,000 to purchase a water truck for a church in the DR. The money was collected yesterday. The students donated nearly $12,500. Also, someone at our church felt compelled to match whatever the students gave. The total came to $25,000. Amazing. High schoolers. Wow. After church we went to the food pantry as a house group and packed 1,200 bags of food for families in need and cleaned the greeting room. Then my small group and I packed seeds for families in zimbabwe. Overall, as a church, we packed 500,000 family packs. That 500,000 families that will now be able to grow food for themselves. That is 500,000 families that can eat. Yesterday was also the day that God revealed a vision to me for my purpose the rest of college. I am to found an organization to raise enough money to buy a plot of land and build an orphanage for the kids I lived with in Uganda last summer. It's crazy and so much work, but God is bigger. God will inspire and God will provide. This will happen. God does.

I will confess...

2010-04-21T01:32:00.000-05:00

I have a confession. Sometimes, I’m afraid. I am afraid to pray boldly because I am afraid that God won’t answer. I am afraid that if God doesn’t answer, then my faith might fall. I am afraid that if my faith falls, everyone whom I have ever told about Jesus will see that my God isn’t real. Sometimes I am afraid of my own fears. I am afraid that my fears of putting all my eggs in one basket will hold me back from the life that God intends for me to live. I am afraid that I will never be able to fully surrender to God because I am too afraid to fail. If God doesn’t answer my prayers, does that make him any less real? Occasionally I think so, but tonight I don’t. Am I even praying for the right things? If I pray for something, and it doesn’t happen, is that because I wasn’t praying for God’s will to be done? He isn’t a magic genie who grants my every wish. So what is he? He is God. He is Creator. He is Holy. He is Glorious. He is Love. He sacrificed everything because he loves me and everyone around me. He is amazing. He is it. I guess when I think more about who God is and less about who I am, the answers to my prayers don’t seem to matter as much. My faith isn’t based on that anymore. My faith is based on God, on who He is, not on what he can do for me. I can pray boldly when I know God, when my heart is connected with His, because I can be confident in who he is. What is the purpose of prayer anyway? To ask for things? The majority of my prayers think so… But really, it is through prayer that I come to know God. And in knowing God more, I want to know him more.

Revelation Thoughts

2010-04-07T13:47:00.003-05:00

I've been reading through the book of Revelation with my best friend and it is absolutely crazy. I feel like I've been stretched more than Stretch Armstrong. I think it is awesome that John wrote down the praises of those around the throne. Their praises say so much about our God.
Amen!
Praise and glory
and wisdom and thanks and honor
and power and strength
be to our God for ever and ever
Amen!
I want to trust and follow a God like that.
There is also a lot of scary stuff in Revelation that I don't understand. However, I am realizing that in order to follow God, we have to follow all of him, not just the parts that pat our backs. We can't just cut and paste from the Bible and take what makes us feel good. If we do that, we have created a fake god, we have committed idolatry.
Confession: There have been times in my life when I have made God into who I want him to be. He became the one who gave me love and joy and peace and strength. He never called me to sacrifice, and there is no hardship and there is no suffering or wrestling. I'm almost done with the New Testament, and I have learned that it is the latter descriptors that are what God has called us to. Don't believe me? Read Luke 14:25-35. The cost is high. If we want to follow Jesus wholeheartedly, we cannot be selective. He is the Lion and the Lamb.
I'll leave you with an awesome passage.
And there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and in front of the Lamb. They were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands. And they cried out in a loud voice: Salvation belongs to our God, who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb....These are they who have come out of the great tribulation; they have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb. Therefore, they are before the throne of God and serve him day and night in his temple; and he who sits on the throne will spread his tent over them. Never again will they hunger; never again will they thirst. The sun will not beat down on them, nor any scorching heat. For the Lamb at the center before the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.
Revelation 7:9-10, 14-17

The World is Our Friend

2010-03-14T17:52:00.014-05:00

Here is the official road trip update!

Friday, 3/5

Left ONU
Passed through Illinois, Kentucky, Tennessee
Went to the Nashville Predator's Arena and got VIP parking - got to go backstage
Stayed at Jen's (Katie's sister) apartment in Brentwood

Saturday, 3/6

Left Jen's at 9AM
Passed through Tennessee, Mississippi, Arkansas, Oklahoma
Drove through Memphis
Ate lunch on the border of TN and AK overlooking the Mississippi River
Saw nasty Tyson chicken houses in the Ozark mountains
Went to the Ozark National Forest and set up camp in the mountains
God scared our of our minds, packed up and left
Drove until late in the night and slept in a rest stop in OK
Sonic :)

Sunday 3/7

Oklahoma, Texas, New Mexico
Went to church at Bethany First Church of the Nazarene and Southern Naz University
Stopped at a starbucks and paid for a car in the drive through
Drove on Route 66
Talked about Chili's a lot, then saw one!
Got free chips and salsa and left a big tip
Saw a GIANT rainbow!
Stopped at the Flying C Ranch - proud owners of 50 billion billboards on I-40
Stopped at a Denny's in Santa Fe for coffee and Bible talk
Rick was our waiter, we talked to him
Drove north until we found a rest stop that wasn't sketchy

Monday 3/8

Woke up freezing and left the rest stop at 6:30AM
Washed our hair in a Sonic bathroom sink
New Mexico, Colorado
Went to Capulin Volcano and ate breakfast
Peed at the base of Capulin Volcano
Had a snowball fight in Northern NM
Topped in Trinidad, CO for an oil change (got ripped off, I'm still bitter), walked through an antique shop
Went to the Great Sand Dunes national park - saw nothing, too foggy
Drove past the 38th parallel (separates N and S Korea)
Saw many mountains
Drove through a blizzard
Stopped at the Red Rocks open area and went walking/climbing
Agia Sophia coffee shop - great coffee, in a house, religion books everywhere
Katie sat on my camelback and soaked her butt...haha!
Went to a thai restaurant for dinner in Colorado Springs
Texted Katie's friend Buck, who said we could stay at his sister's house, whom we have never met
Stayed at his sister, Lauren's, house. Hung out with her roommates. Slept in warm bedS! :)

Tuesday 3/9

Katie showered
Saw Pike's peak
Passed Castle Rock
At breakfast at the Red Rocks Amphitheater
Walked around, stood on stage, went to the visitor's center
Hiked along Dinosaur Ridge and saw fossils!!!!
Drove into Denver and went to the greatest bookstore in the world - Tattered Cover Bookstore- after getting lost many times.
Browsed for hours
Went to the world's largest REI
Bought turkey jerky
Went to Colorado State to stay with my friend Mike
Played rummy 500
Slept on a futon

Wednesday 3/10

Slept in and at warm breakfast
I showered - PTL
Went to Mugs coffee lounge and it was wonderful...we got silverware made from potatoes
Mike showed us around
Walked around Old Town Fort Collins
Went to 10,000 Villages fair trade shop and bought cool things
Authentic Thai food from Toy's Thai for lunch
Hung out at Wild Boar Coffee Shop, read, did a puzzle
Ate dinner in a bomb CSU caf - mongolian gril. yes!
Hung out the rest of the night

Thursday 3/11

Colorado, Wyoming, Nebraska, Iowa, Missouri
Left
Drove, a lot
Saw a sign in Nebraska that said: Outlaw Sodomy. Haha!
Stopped in Lincoln, Nebraska for dinner. Katie got lost
Read The Life of Pi a lot
Went to the International House of Prayer in KC, it was their student awakening so we went to that. Big crazy party.
Sonic
Got pulled over by officer Valentine bc my tail lights were our
Went to the actual prayer room

Friday 3/12

Missouri, Iowa, Illinois
Worshiped, prayed, and slept until 4am
Katie drove until 530
Slept in a McDonalds parking lot until 7
I drove after a big coffee
Finally made it to illinois
Katie thought it would be a good idea to throw her apple out the window, but instead she opened the car door, WHILE she was driving 70mph down the highway. Dumb.
Finished The Life of Pi...Pi was our friend.
Made it home around 3 in the afternoon and slept the afternoon away

3,832 miles.

Done.

Road Trip

2010-03-05T11:34:00.004-06:00

I'm going on a road trip with my best friend
We don't know where we are going
We want to spend every night in a different state
We feel called to tell people about Jesus and do random acts of kindness
Time for an adventure!

Do we even really need God?

2010-03-02T13:42:00.003-06:00

Sometimes I ask myself:
What is the purpose of life?
Why are we here?
So I get a college education, get a job, work, then die.
So what's the point?
I won a national championship, in three years nobody will remember who I was.
Why do we work so hard?
I couldn't even tell you my great grandfather's name.
Pretty good chances that my great grand kids won't know mine.
So why do we toil?
Why do we work so hard?
Why do we care?
Because this isn't it.
There is more to life.
There is hope for something after this.
Our lives are lived in a way that we can be independent and rely on ourselves, but when we lay in bed at night, there are always things that haunt us.
Purpose is something that always crosses my mind.
If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work. If what he has built survives, he will receive his reward. If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames.
I don't want to narrowly escape through the flames.
God is our purpose.
Our hope is in him.
Without God, life is nothing.
Even if we impact someone's life, we will both die and that relationship will be meaningless.
God promises more.
God guarantees full life not only in this life, but in the next one.
Resurrection.
Purpose.
Meaning.
Hope.

The Spirit and Sin

2010-02-06T11:32:00.003-06:00

Galatians 5:16-20
So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law.

The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.

God has used this passage to both challenge and encourage me. He has asked me to meditate on it daily. I have realized that I am guilty of each act of sinful nature listed. Sometimes my sin drags me down. I feel tired, like I'm fighting a battle that I can't win. However, there is hope. The cross. The only place where nothing really seems to make sense. It should be me up there, suffering for the things I have done. But I am here. Free. Living in the blessings of God's peace and love. Our sinful nature has been crucified. It's passions and desires are gone. On the cross, Jesus yelled out, "It is finished!" Our sin - It is finished! Praise God because it is a battle that I am not strong enough to win on my own.

One thing that blows my mind is the fact that when Jesus died, he took all of God's wrath on himself. All of the punishment. God turned his face away from his Son and punished him for our sin. As if the beatings and torture from humans wasn't enough, God punished him too. In John 12:27-28, Jesus says, "Now my soul is troubled, and what shall I say? 'Father, save me from this hour'? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. Father, glorify your name!"

I don't want to take advantage of that. I don't want to trample on the cross of Christ. Why walk the line of sin when Jesus made an end to it? We are to walk in step with the Spirit. Praise God for his great mercy and love. He loves us so much.

I want to see

2010-01-30T14:10:00.003-06:00

This semester I've been reading through the New Testament with my best friend, and God has been revealing so much and has been challenging me all the more. Jesus healed people, Jesus drove demons out, and Jesus gave his followers the authority to do the same. At the end of Mark, Jesus said that those things will be signs of his followers. Jesus told us to seek first the Kingdom of God, but what does that really look like? The more I read God's word, the more I feel like we have missed the mark a bit. We play in puddles with the ocean right behind us. It's no wonder that we all struggle so much to stay close to God. This is a weird analogy, but I had to watch the movie Wall-E for my honors class. When the people are living in the space station, they all sit in chairs with screens in front of their face. Everything is done for them and they don't even come in contact with other humans. The only interaction they have is done through the screen. Wall-E accidentally pushes a button that removes the screen from a woman's face. For the first time, she sees her surroundings. The rest of the film is the humans returning to where they came from, returning to what they were intended to be. Sometimes I feel like one of those over-weight people, sitting in a chair, having everything done for me while I hardly interact with people. I want to see! In Luke, two blind men are sitting on the road and somehow they know Jesus is walking down the road. They call to him, asking for mercy. Jesus asks them what they want from him. Their cry: We want to see! I want to see too. I want to see God. I don't want to constantly face this struggle of living in the world but not being a part of it. I don't think we were intended to walk the line. We are supposed to be live fully in the kingdom, fully in God's reign. What does this look like? I think it looks like prayer. I think it means listening to God, not just reading our list of things that we want done for us. We cannot be afraid. Nothing can ever separate us from God's love, so what are we to fear? Death? Jesus conquered that too. I feel challenged to discover truth. I believe that Jesus is the truth that my heart always longed for. I don't want to lean on the theologies of others. I want to seek God and read his word and discover what it has to say. Our lives are mist, we are here for a short time, so why settle for mediocrity? Luke 17:5 has become my prayer. In Luke 17, Jesus is talking about Sin, Faith, and Duty. This is where he tells his disciples that they have to forgive someone even if they sin seven times in a day, and seven times comes back repenting. Their response: Increase our Faith! It takes faith to forgive. It takes faith to follow God. Every aspect of our life requires faith. I need more.
So Lord, Increase our Faith!