I've been in a funk lately. There really is no better word to describe it. My life is monotonous and it annoys me. I am incredibly blessed, I fully realize that, but I feel like I am living overwhelmingly below the potential of my life. Each day I go to class, play soccer, coach soccer, do homework, watch the food network (and/or biggest loser)...thrilling, I know. Last month Dr. Quanstrom gave a sermon about how study is worship - I'm still not believing it. All the studying I am doing is not making my relationship with God more intimate. That means one of two things: there is something wrong with me, or he, and every other professor on campus, is lying. . Maybe it's a little bit of both!
I know deep within my soul there is more to my life than what I'm living. There are ways that I can serve and love those around me every day; however, that is not what my life is about. I want my life to be centered and focused on serving others. It's not. Unfortunately. And thus results the funk. I have one more semester of college left. So far, it has been the most formative three years of my life. I have learned more about myself and others, and how I relate to others, and how to communicate, and even how to learn. While I have thoroughly enjoyed my time here, I am ready to be freed from monotony. I never want to stop learning, but I want to stop being bound to really pointless assignments and Gen Bio Lab.
I don't want to look to the future and say, 'Someday I will get out of this funk.' I know that if I don't strive to be intimate with God now, I won't then. I guess what I'm starting to realize is that we were created to love and serve others. The more we focus on ourselves and our goals, the farther we slide into an abyss of disillusionment. Life isn't about that. I don't want to be about that. And I 150% don't want to go to grad school.
