Peace and Battle

This past year has been a whirlwind of transition.

Exactly one year ago, I was in my last semester of college, playing soccer, and reading more books than I had the previous three previous years combined.

Eleven months ago, my best friend left for New Zealand, Israel, and Cambodia.

Ten months ago, I got a job at Willow Creek.

Nine months ago, I moved back in with my parents.

Eight months ago, I led my first camp as a House Group leader.

Six months ago, I led a missions trip to South Africa.

Four months ago, my best friend came back.

Three months ago, I said goodbye to a group of ten girls that I led for four years.

Two months ago, I led my second camp.

Three weeks ago, I moved out of my parents house.

One week ago, I launched a campaign to build an orphanage.

In the midst of transition and change, the Lord has been speaking. I have had times of struggle, times of questioning, times of fear. I have cried. I have failed to seek the Lord; he answered me anyway. He has provided things I would have never thought to ask for. He gave me a job. He gave me a house. He gave me roommates with whom I can worship. He has sustained my bank account - somehow. He has given me peace. He has been showing me the importance of this peace. When I am angry, when I am tired, when I don't want to do anything, I can close my eyes and rest in his promises which have yet to fail me.

The last few weeks have been difficult. I have seen things in myself that I wouldn't want anyone else to see. Unfortunately, they have. I see daily how my thoughts and words can do one of two things: build up, or tear down. It is difficult to admit, but more often than not, they do the latter. I found myself stepping back last week to reflect on the implications of my thoughts. During that time, the Lord whispered to me, "Don't forfeit your soul." Jesus says this in reference to men giving up all they have to gain the world, but losing what is most important, their soul. I never thought I was trying to 'gain the world.' I work for a church. I love ministry. My heart aches for people to know the Lord. I want to be a vessel of healing.

Don't forfeit your soul. 

He was warning me.

The days that followed were filled with peace and a frightening awareness of what I was in the middle of: a battle.

I am grateful that the Lord has not left my side. He has continued to bless me even though my thoughts and deeds have not merited it. He has displayed his power in my weaknesses to show me that these things happen in his strength, not mine. I am thankful that he is constant, faithful, and unwavering.

I know that this year of change is not over. I will continue to battle. I will have bad days. My pride will puff up and my confidence will dip, maybe even at the same time. There are many things that I don't understand. I wish I could explain God's voice, his blessings, even his silence. One thing I know without a shadow of a doubt is that he is merciful.

Thank you Lord for your strength in the battle, your peace in the chaos, and your mercy that covers my sin. 

Jesus in Revelation

I was reading the book of Revelation today and decided to write down all the names/descriptions of Jesus. I hope they make you excited as well :)

He is and was and is to come 1:4; he is the faithful witness 1:5; firstborn of the dead, ruler of the kings of the earth 1:5; Alpha and Omega 1:8; the Almighty 1:8; he has hair as white as wool and eyes like flames of fire 1:14; his voice is like many waters 1:15; his face is shining like the sun 1:16; he is the first and the last, alive forevermore, he holds the keys of death and Hades 1:18; he has a sharp two-edged sword 2:12; he searches minds and hearts 2:23; he is holy, true, and has the key of David 3:7; he is the Amen, the faithful and true witness 3:14; he lives forever and ever 4:9, he is the Lion of the tribe of Judah and the Root of David 5:5; he has true and righteous judgments 16:7; he is the Lord of lords and King of kings 17:4; he is Faithful and True 19:11; The Word of God 19:13; the Source of living water 21:6; the temple 21:22, the lamp in the new city 21:23; a seal for his people 22:14; the bright morning star 22:16.

A Divine Dance

Our lives ebb and flow. We routinely go through routine and there are few times when we break out. Our days become monotonous and we pass through each day without truly stopping. I have found the balance of being disciplined and overly structured to be difficult. This morning I read my Bible, like I do every morning as part of my routine. I drove to Caribou and turned some Jesus tunes on Pandora. I opened my Bible to Hebrews and began reading. Jeremy Camp's song "Give me Jesus" came on and I was tempted to give it a thumbs down. For some reason I didn't. The words of a song I don't like began to hit me in a way that I never would have expected. My heart began to yearn for more of Jesus. As I read God's word, I felt like I was being drawn into a divine dance. Jesus was just waiting for an opportunity for me to turn my heart towards him so he could reveal his majesty and love. My soul felt the deep implications of these truths in Hebrews:

• There is a rest that God gives that is unlike anything else
• Jesus is a forerunner for us. He goes ahead and makes a way for us to enter a place we are too blemished to see for ourselves (6:20)
• Jesus is a priest forever 
• Jesus is the guarantor of a better covenant (7:22)
• Jesus intercedes for us (7:25)
• He is perfect forever (7:28)
• Jesus is the new covenant in which all people can know God (8:8-12)
• His blood secures an eternal redemption (9:12)
• Jesus enters heaven to appear in the presence of God on our behalf (9:24)

I can't help but sit in this moment. If someone had asked me if I believed all the things I just listed, I would without a doubt agree. There is something special, however, when God whispers them to your heart. It is a divine moment, a divine dance. It is a time where I can sit at a huge wooden table with others surrounding, staring out the window at a snowy day, and be alone with the one who created it all. I want to cherish this moment and carry it with me. 

The verse I have been memorizing and meditating on the past two weeks is 1 Corinthians 13:12, which says:

For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I see in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.

I can only wait in eager anticipation for an eternity of divine moments.